Oh, love.
Pretty, happy, bubbly, rainbows and butterflies.
But also blue, gloomy, fearful, and miserable.
Growing up, love isn’t something taught to us. It’s something we learn by trying to find answers to the questions we ask ourselves, like “Why can’t I stop thinking about that person? Why does it hurt like hell seeing him/her with someone else? Is this a crush? Is this love? Is this how heartbreak feels like? What is wrong with me?!”
I might have not lived long enough to know a lot about love, but from my experience, I learned a thing or two. A thing or two that might seem simple and basic, but people often fail to notice. Here are some of them.
Being picky is not a bad thing
There’s nothing wrong with having high partner standards. Truth is, it’s a good thing! When you have a standard, it means you know exactly what your needs are. However, you should not only focus on getting what you need, but you also have to work on it. A relationship works both ways, so the standard should apply to your own self too.
Whether you’re a guy, a girl, or everything in between, it is normal to have your guards up high when it comes to love. Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Our past is what made us, and our present is what makes our future. If you had a traumatic relationship experience, take some time to heal. Not everyone knows what you have been through, and you don’t need to explain yourself.
There’s no such thing as an ‘ideal’ timeline
Love is not a choice. We can’t force ourselves into falling in love, and we can’t actually hold ourselves from falling for someone. You might fall in love with someone you’ve just known a week ago, and you might still not be in love with someone you’ve been very close with for the past 5 years. There’s no such thing as ‘too early’ or ‘too late’ when it comes to falling in love. But then, you have to consider the situation and adjust your actions accordingly. It’s not wrong to love, but the actions you’re taking could be.
Focus on the present (and future)
When you say you love someone and you’re willing to step into a commitment, especially a long-term one, it means you are ready to accept that person’s present, past, and future. Among all three, you can only control what happens in the present and future. So, save your time and energy grieving over your significant other’s past (yep, here’s to you, high-performing stalkers!) because they’re no longer relevant unless it affects your present. Don’t spend too much time looking for information that does nothing but harm to yourself, sometimes it’s better to not know things. When your significant other trusts you, they will open up about themselves even without you having to ask much.
Know what you deserve
“He/she’s too good to be true”
More often than not, this thought is something that holds people from stepping further in a relationship. Truth is, sometimes you just can’t see your own worth and don’t know what you actually deserve. You might have a bad experience in the past or you have never been treated that way, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. Yes, there are wolves in sheep’s clothing out there, but there are also good people. Never, ever, underestimate your value. Let people respect you, okay?
Appreciate the little things
Have you ever been so interested in a conversation that you almost feel yourself stepping into a different reality, not noticing time passing by? All the tête-à-tête just feels so…whole and you wish time went slower? It might just seem like something normal, but having that kind of connection to each other is actually very precious and you should appreciate it.
If you pay enough attention, you might find many signifying acts that you missed earlier. Like how your girlfriend learns to bake because she knows you like brownies, how your boyfriend bought you a new lamp because he knows your room is too dark for you to do your makeup in, how your girlfriend bought you a pack of vitamins because you’re running out of it and you haven’t been sleeping well because of work, how your boyfriend decides to drive a few more laps around town even though he’s tired because he knows you still want to spend time gazing city lights, et cetera.
Once you’ve learned to notice them, it’s important to show appreciation. It’s not cheesy, it’s not ‘too much’. Let your significant other know that you notice what they did and you appreciate that. This kind of positive communication will bring positive impacts resulting in a happier relationship.
In the end, love is about you and your partner. It’s a journey of understanding, accepting each other’s flaws, supporting each other even when you’re walking different paths, keeping up with each other’s annoying traits, and building your own universe together. No one can tell you exactly what to do–yes, including me–because love isn’t perfect, but somehow it completes you.
