I always thought being emotional was a curse.
Why would I be proud of being such a crybaby? Of not being able to contain my emotions?
I detached myself from a lot of things to avoid being emotional. I didn’t want to feel deeply because I knew I would cry. I cry when I’m happy, upset, devastated, angry, stressed, tired, even when I feel hopeful and inspired. I mean, well, yeah, that makes me human, but other humans I know don’t seem to be this emotional.
Sometime last year during my Master’s, I was sitting in a class. We were talking about developing moral capacities in children and adults. Someone asked the guest speaker that day — the founder of a non-profit education organization — what it takes to grow a sense of self-fulfillment and become a better leader.
They answered, “Know your values.” It was pretty cliché at first, but they continued by giving an example.
(Not verbatim, but the answer was somewhere along this line.)
“My most important value is that I am emotional. I am always filled with emotions, and I feel very deeply. I cry often, but this is a blessing. Having big feelings allows me to have more empathy, be more compassionate, and open doors for a deeper connection with others.”
That answer struck me like lightning and gave me so much hope. I am not alone! I don’t have to face the struggle of keeping my feelings in equilibrium because I am too embarrassed to cry. I have the opportunity to embrace my big feelings and accept my way of reacting to things.
Now that I think about it, I would not be where I am now if it weren’t for my big feelings. As much as I thought it was a curse, feeling deeply brings me to a goal of making the only life that I have more worthwhile. It allowed me to be more curious, to treat myself and others more mindfully, to connect more deeply with my surroundings, and to appreciate the little things 🌻
I have been spending the past year trying to be more compassionate towards myself, befriending all my emotions, and accepting them as a part of me. So even though these doubled-up feelings keep going like a merry-go-round inside of me, I get to listen to them more carefully and gently guide them. Not pushing them away, just finding a way to navigate the ride.
I realized that feeling deeply is not a flaw that I should get rid of by pretending not to have any. I began writing as a way to regulate my emotions and have been learning to communicate my feelings to my closest ones. The hardest part is communicating how I feel without getting too emotional. I still have to pause in between sentences to take a deep breath when communicating my emotions, but this is so much progress! :)
If you have been struggling with your overwhelming feelings, please know that it’s not a curse! It might take some time to adjust to your big feelings (also, it’s okay to seek help from a professional if you need) but there is nothing wrong with your feelings. It allows you to be more loving and have more empathy, and that’s awesome! Befriend the emotions and turn them into mindful actions, because feeling deeply is a blessing.
